It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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