My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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