the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
