I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
