At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize