we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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