he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
