Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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