I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
