i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
