there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
