If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
