I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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