He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
