Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
