i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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