I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
