I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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