i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
