I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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