based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
