i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
