will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
