I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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