Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
