mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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