is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
