i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize