Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
