I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
