You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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