also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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