Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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