There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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