Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
