I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
