yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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