Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize