I wish my penis had an off switch
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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