My room smells like vodka and shame
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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