OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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