At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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