So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am naked and annoyed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
