She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the day after is always just damage control
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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