In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
