I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
