Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize