We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
