So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
