I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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