If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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