is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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