I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
