Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
