apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
