bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
