did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
