so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
