Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
