Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
