It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
