Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
