you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
