good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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