all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
