I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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