I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
