Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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