Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
